空的城 The Empty City (2012)

小时候(中国的1970至1980年代)，我生活在长江边一个小县城——万县，那个县城里唯一的公园最初是民国年间四川军阀杨森的公馆。也许他自己都从来没有来过那个公馆吧?!我不知道，也许他也来过，但是很快就走了，不是被打到台湾去了吗!?小时候大人都这样告诉我们的。反正，在我记事的时候它已经叫西山公园了，到现在也是这个名字。
在记忆中，那里很大，很多植物，甚至有植物园;有运动场，连学校的运动会都是去那里举行;有动物园，虽然只有一只狗熊，几只山鸡，牌子上写着“熊
猫”但是里面关着的只是狸猫，就这样也已经让我们这样的小孩儿很憧憬了，虽然长大了的自己一直很怀疑熊猫原本就应该是黑乎乎拖着长长的尾巴，这个观
念很久都没有改变过来。
好吧，(西山公园)有两个地方是一直让我感觉神秘而且有着无限的可能性，一个是高高的钟楼，小时候手表还没有普及的时候它就是全县城人民的时间，整
点的时候总会打钟;那把大大的生锈的铁锁一直紧锁着盘旋着上升的楼梯，我一直怀疑上面是否有像卡西莫多那样的钟楼怪人，某种意义上这里就是我们县城
的巴黎圣母院。另一个地方叫静园，在西山公园的最里面，假山楼阁，小桥流水，植物也较之院外的种植得精细，那里很少有人去，房间都空着，木板的，一
个人走在里面嘎吱作响;我自己是不敢一个人去的，大热天都阴嗖嗖的冒凉气，大人们也说不好这里原来是住着什么人，只是传说在这里拍下的照片上会有另
外一个女人的影子，所以，小时候我从来没有在静园拍过照片，一张都没有，虽然那神秘女子的影子就一直一直飘荡在我的无限的联想中，从小到大。
到后来公园为了增加收入，开始收门票，他们会伪造一些传说，改变了里面的机构，种上更多更多廉价的花草。那些传说是什么我已经不记得了，大概就是杜撰了一些名人曾经住过，或者是文革武斗的时候留下过什么历史事件，我们那个小县城在那个年代实在没什么好用来消费的，也没什么地方好去，管他什么事件人们都理所当然的引用、演绎和杜撰，于是静园里总会做一些活动或者小展览，比如我就去过“看哈哈镜”的活动、纪念抗日英雄的活动、还有许多莫名其妙的茶话会活动......很多，好多我已经不记得了，在人山人海的时候我的脑子里还是关于那女人的影子。
静园是有员工的，在小时候的印象中他们就象神一样的存在，对小县城的居民来说不要门票能进去静园就相当于某种特权，我家一个表叔就是里面的员工，好像是做保卫的，就是现在的保安，住在离静园不远的宿舍里，小时候我去他家玩过，吃了上海来的大白兔奶糖，喝了一种化学颗粒制作的有橘子味的冰水，那些都是小时候记忆很深刻的东西......。
很多很多年以后...... 我长大了，这个县城已经被水淹没了一半，变成了重庆直辖市的一个区，但是城市面积越来越大，人口也越来越多。西山公园还在，钟楼还在，静园还在，那个保安叔叔也还在...... 西山公园已经没有人去了，地已经被分割了不少吧。连门口的小摊贩做着生意也懒洋洋的，旁边就是巨大的移民广场，城市里繁华的商业设施要什么有什么。钟楼挤在众多的高楼中，灰扑扑、矮矮的样子，全然没了当初的雄伟;静园，静园啊，安静得好像它从来就不曾存在过一样，依旧回去了过去的冷清，那传说中的女人的影子是否还在那里......那保安叔叔的一家，在城市里又是怎样的生活着呢，好久没有他们的消息了?!
我其实一直都是一个简单的人，想做的也只是在记忆里寻找原本生活该有的样子，关于静园神秘的记忆陪着我长大，我也想给它一个关于我的记忆的东西。
(英文翻译:梅丽)

When I was a child (from the 1970s to the 1980s in China), I lived in a small town near the Yangtze River – Wanxian. The only park in the town was originally the residence

of the Sichuan warlord Yang Sen during the Republic of China. Perhaps he had never been to the mansion yet, I was not sure. Maybe he left very soon after a short stay there. Didn’t he escape to Taiwan? We children were told this by the adults. Anyway, it was called Xi Shan Gong Yuan (West Hill Park) since I could remember things, and till now it still keeps this name.
In my memory, it was a big place with many plants, big enough to include a botanical garden, a playground where we held school sports meetings, and even a zoo. Although what could be seen in the zoo were a few pheasants, a bear, and a sign of “Panda” behind which civet cats were kept instead, we were entranced by them. Even when I was much older, I still had an illusion that panda should be dark and had a long tail as civet cat. It was hard to get rid of such idea.
Well, (in West Hill Park) there were two places which were most mysterious and had infinite possibilities to me. One was the tall bell tower. Before watch had become a common household item in our life, the tower was the time for the whole town, with the bell ringing hourly. The rising spiral staircase was closed by the big rusty lock, and I always wondered if there was a Quasimodo hunchback in the tower, believing that in a sense this was the Notre Dame of our town. The other place was called the Still Garden, located in the depths of West Hill Park and decorated with rockery, pavilions, small bridges over the flowing stream, and much more finer plants than the outside part. It was rarely visited by people. The rooms were empty, and the wooden floor let out cracking sound when people walked on it. I dared not go there alone, scared by its gloomy coldness even in hot days. The adults could not tell who had originally lived there, and they warned us that a woman’s shadow would appear on the photos taken in this place. Therefore, I never took photo in the Still Garden, not even one, and the shadow of the mysterious woman kept floating in my infinite imagination and grew up with me.
Later the park began to charge entrance fee in order to increase its revenue. Some stories about the park were made up, the structures inside were changed, and more cheaper flowers and grasses were planted. I couldn’t remember the stories clearly now, and most of them were about some celebrities living there or violent events taking place during the Cultural Revolution. Since there was not much to consume and not many places to visit in our town at that time, people would not hesitate in citing, falsifying and exaggerating anything they were concerned with. As a result, the Still Garden were often used as the venue to hold some activities or small exhibitions, some of which I took part in, such as “The Magic Mirror”, the commemoration of the anti-Japanese hero, and many strange tea parties... Many of such things have been forgotten, and what has remained in my memory among huge crowds of people is still the woman's shadow.
There were staff working in the Still Garden at that time. They existed like God in my childhood impression because the free entrance of the Still Garden meant a privilege in the eyes of the small town people. One of my uncles was working there, as a guard perhaps, like a security guard nowadays. He lived in a dorm not far from the Still Garden. I went there when I was little, and was treated the White Rabbit Candy made in Shanghai and the iced juice made of chemical grains that tasted like orange, which were deep memories of my childhood...
Many, many years later ...
I have grown up, and the county has been flooded by half and converted into a district of Chongqing municipality, with larger and larger urban area and increased
population. West Hill Park is still there, the bell Tower is still there, the Still Garden is still there, amd so is my security uncle...
West Hill Park is not visited by people anymore, and the land may have been divided for different uses. The pedlars do business listlessly in front of the gate. Next to the
park is a huge Immigration Square. Almost everything that can be found in the bustling commercial city is available here. Dwarfed by the numerous tall buildings around is the bell tower, dusty and short, showing no trace of it majesty in old days. Even more desolate than before, the Still Garden seems to be so still to the point of nonexistence. Is the lengendary woman's shadow still there? How is the family of my security uncle and their life in the city? I haven’t heard any news of them for a long time!
Actually I am always a simple person. I just want to find from my memory what life should look like as it is. The mysterious memory of the Still Garden has accompanied me in my growing-up, so I want to give my memory to the garden in return. (Translate by: Mei Li)